Christmas Tunes??

[ATD]

Bit of fun with Christmas Tunes – Credit to Twisted Radio.com / Bob Rivers


The Restroom Door Said, "Gentlemen"

(Parody of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen)

The restroom door said gentlemen
So I just walked inside
I took two steps and realized
I'd been taken for a ride
I heard high voices turned and found
The place was occupied
By two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse
What could be worse
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse?

The restroom door said gentlemen
It must have been a gag
As soon as I walked in there
I ran into some old hag
She sprayed me with a can of mace
And smacked me with her bag
I could tell this just wouldn't be my day
What can I say?
It was just turning out to be day

The restroom door said gentlemen
And I would like to find
The crummy little creep who had the nerve
To switch the signs
'Cause I got two black eyes
And one high heel up my behind
Now I can't sit with comfort and joy
Boy oh boy
No I'll never sit with comfort and joy



Parking Spaces

(Parody of Good King Wenceslas)


Parking space is hard to find
During Christmas season
Looking all around the lot
Some place you can squeeze in
When you finally find a place
You’ll be disappointed
It’s set aside for handicapped
Specially anointed

This one’s marked for compact cars
Not my big rear ender
Some Yugo owner’s shopping cart
Scratched our Caddy’s fender
Egad!
When that Beemer cuts in front
Swerving while you linger
Peace on earth, good will to men
Put down that middle finger

Oh, look! He’s waving at us.
Oh hello my good man. Hello.
Hello. Is he from the yacht club, dear?
I don’t know. He’s signaling something.
No, no, you’re number one. You’re number one.
Oh, how lovely.

Parking space is hard to find
In the Christmas season
All you do is drive around
No one’s ever leavin’
When you finally reach the store
Your heart is filled with sorrow
They kill the lights and lock the doors
Sorry, we’re closed up already.
Try again tomorrow
Oh, please let me in.
Sorry, lady.
But I finally found a parking spot!
Really?
Come again tomorrow
Congratulations!


Streaming audio at: www.bobrivers.com/audiovault/tunes/xmastunes.asp?Var=xqygf&Page=3

Scroll down and select your connection speed.

[gandis]

This is an excellent idea ATD!



"The Christmas Blues" - Dean Martin

www.youtube.com/watch?v=zurwCLo81n4


The jingle bells are jingling

The streets are white with snow

The happy crowds are mingling

But there's no one that I know



I'm sure that you'll forgive me

If I don't enthuse

I guess I've got the Christmas blues



I've done my window shopping

There's not a store I've missed

But what's the use of stopping

When there's no one on your list

You'll know the way I'm feeling

When you love and you lose

I guess I've got the Christmas blues



When somebody wants you

Somebody needs you

Christmas is a joy of joy

But friends when you're lonely

You'll find that it's only

A thing for little girls and little boys



May all your days be merry

Your seasons full of cheer

But 'til it's January

I'll just go and disappear

Oh Santa may have brought you some stars for your shoes

But Santa only brought me the blues

Those brightly packaged tinsel covered Christmas blues



Oh Santa may have brought you some stars for your shoes

But Santa only brought me the blues

Those brightly packaged tinsel covered Christmas blues


Link to Amazon.com page with "Christmas With Dino" CD and track audio samples... Amazon audio stream or Windows Media Player

www.amazon.com/Christmas-Dino-Dean-Martin/dp/B0002W4TQM#moreAboutThisProduct

[ATD]

Chipmunks Roasting On an Open Fire

(Parody of The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire) by Nat King Cole)


Chipmunks roasting on an open fire
Hot sauce dripping from their toes
(“Oh! That tickles!”)
Yuletide squirrels fresh filleted by the choir
They poked hot skewers through their nose
(“Ow! Wrong end, ya cowboy!”)

Everybody knows some pepper and a garlic clove
Help to make them seasoned right
Tiny rats with a crisp golden coat
Will really hit the spot tonight

And now when Santa sees his tray
(“Ho ho ho ho ho ho”)
There’ll be some homemade chipmunk jerky for his sleigh
(“Mmmm…Hey, look at that!”)
And every hungry child is gonna spy
To see if chipmunks really sing when they fry

And so I’m brushing on some honey glaze
To keep them crisp and juicy too
Let’s hope they get served many times many ways
Tasty Chipmunks, good food

“On that… Mr. Cole?”
“Yes, sir. Mr. Seville?”
“Would you mind handing me the barbeque sauce? I am starved!”
”Oh! No problem Dave. Hey listen, you best be havin’ two of those drumsticks, ‘cause they’re oh-so tiny and there ain’t much meat upon ‘em”
“What about animal rights, Dave?”
“Put a sock in it Melvin”
“You know, for years people said you over-rated hamsters were my meal ticket. Now I guess you could just say you’re my meal!”
“That’s a good one, Dave…I always knew you was the funny one in the group!”
“Damn straight!”

And so I'm offering some recipes
From chipmunk pie to chipmunk stew
I’m not really sad that it ended this way
Furry chipmunks screw you

“Did you hear that Melvin? Melvin? Melvin? Mellllviiiiin?"
“Why, I’m sorry Dave, did you want Melvin? There’s plenty of Thagadore left though…”

www.bobrivers.com/audiovault/tunes/xmastunes.asp?Var=xqygf&Page=1

[ATD]

Osama Got Run Over By A Reindeer

(Parody of Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer by Elmo & Patsy)


Osama got run over by a reindeer
Right outside his cave on Christmas Eve
Some folks say there’s no such thing as Santa
But now even the Taliban believe

Osama thought we'd never find him
But even little children know
Santa knows who’s been real naughty
In those hard Afgani mountains capped with snow

Al-quiada found him Christmas morning
Face down on that mountain pass
There were hoof marks on his turban
And a broken reindeer antler up his oh-ho-ho-ho-ho

Osama got run over by a reindeer
Being near his cave door on christmas eve
You can say theres no such thing as karma
But if you saw those hoof marks you'd believe

Sing it

Osama got run over by a reindeer
Now he's not around on Christmas day
He was hopin he'd be metting Allah
The only thing he met was Santa's sleigh

Merry Christmas

Ooh, that's gotta hurt!

Watch it Here: www.bobrivers.com/audiovault/downloads/osamagot.asp

[ATD]

Little Hooters Girl, The

(Parody of Little Drummer Boy)


Little Hooters girl
Her rubber tight buns
A groovy pair to see
Double D fun
She brings me chicken wings
A ton, a ton, ton

She wears tight, skimpy things
Her tummy tight tum, rubber tight buns
Look at them guns

Oh, to ogle them,
Her rubber tight buns
That’s why we come

Little Hooters girl
She’s not a dumb-dumb,
She brings cold beer to me and poured us all some,
A birthday song they sang with mighty big lungs
Across the bar they hang her rubber tight bum, double D fun,
Had her boobs done

Then she smiled at me, I‘ll tip a big ton,
me and my chums
Look at them guns
Had her boobs done

www.bobrivers.com/audiovault/tunes/xmastunes.asp?Var=xqygf&Page=2