AGONY PUSSY

[Nothing Really Matters]

My dear Zoo,

This is a big problem you have, although I feel many people have this problem as well! Brightly coloured tight spandex can leave someone people cold.

You seem to be suffering from what is known as spandy-doses. This is a much wider problem than you think, It often occurs from when you were young yours parents must have dressed you in spandex, clearly not your fault! So whenever you see someone in spandex you heart no longer beats.

You need treatment now this might help!







Failing that I’m coming around with a bucket of cold water throwing that over you while slapping your face and forcing you to watch nude pictures of Rick Waller. At the same time I will be protecting my eyes.

If this fails then being a Lesbot will ensure you have a very en-lighting life!

Yours truly,
Pussy

[joycedavenport]

I don't know about Zoo but the 'treatment' worked for me...now about the dizzy spells and flashing lights...

[zoo]

Oh Pussy, you are so wise. As a child of the 80s I did wear my fair share of tight bright spandex - mostly in jazz dancing classes while dreaming of a Flashdance future.

There's no need to resort to uber-extreme measures like bringing Rik Waller round because I must admit that first pic alone did the trick! Hubba hubba hubba. And I thought I'd finally reached a serene, mature plateau where I simply admired Jake as an artist but had stopped all this childish misplaced fancying.

HA! I think not.

[ATD]

Oh Pussy of Agony,

I found your inspiring words of advice buried deep in the annals of this wonderful forum. I know that you have not issued any sage musings for some time, but please tell me that you are still in business; that the Pussy hasn’t dried up, for I am in need of your wisdom!

You see I’m having a problem with a neighbours Pussy, something of which I have very little experience, and as I don’t want to offend the dear lady, I could think of no one more qualified to turn to for advice. Oh I do hope that you will be able to help with this rather delicate situation.

Now as I said I am no expert in matters of the Pussy, but for it’s age it seems rather tired and it’s fur is rather lack lustre.

Now I have been able to stimulate the Pussy into action, but only by the harshest of treatment; which to be honest is becoming quite a strain on me. I know the neighbour is pleased for her Pussy to see some action again but really I just don’t think I can keep it up much longer – it’s just not my cup of tea!

On top of this, one of the other neighbours heard the noises that were made in the process of inspiring the Pussy into action. They have made it quite clear that these “disturbances” have to stop, and if they don’t then the authorities will be called in!

I’m sure by now that you can see the predicament that I find myself in. I have compromised my own preferences to help this poor woman with her Pussy trouble, but in doing so I am putting such a strain on myself with the effort involved, and leaving myself open to threats of being reported.
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Should I just tell her to take the friggin cat to the vets?

[Nothing Really Matters]

Dear ATD

AGONY PUSSY will be answering your message very soon! More than likely tomorrow! Big Brother and a double bill of desperate housewives is on so she will be very busy!

Don't worry dear i'll solve your Pussy problem!

Best wishes PUSSY!